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by
Robert J. Firth

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OFFENCE AND GUILT - THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM
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PREFACE

A Simple Proof that emotions depend on our “Way of Thinking” Let us imagine a common situation: You feel offended by a friend who forgot he was to meet you. Our brain is designed so as to require immediate explanation for all events, especially those that hurt us personally. I have no idea what the reason might have been that made my friend miss meeting me but, I begin to make guesses:

• One: He is sick (he has a good excuse.)

• Two: I mean nothing to him, he simply ignores me.

• Three: He is not punctual, something has distracted him from
the appointment. Perhaps he had simply forgotten about it.

Other possibilities might explain his actions as well but this last one seems most likely. In the Middle Ages, for instance, witchcraft would be definitely on the list of explanations.

Evidently, our way of thinking defines how strong the offence is. In the first case (my friend is sick) the resulting feeling will be not offence, but rather disappointment and perhaps sympathy. In the second case, I will be offended while the strength of the feeling will depend on my previous expectations. In the third case, my reaction will depend on how realistic I am and whether I am prepared to accept another individual 's qualities as they are, not depending upon my subjective expectations and hopes.

If I have an active “inferiority complex” the most likely thought will be: “'For me he was sick, for someone else, perhaps he was not.” If I am a revengeful maniac, my brain will produce a plan to punish the wrongdoer: 'Next time I will be late myself or won't come at all - I'll stand behind the corner to see how nervous he is!

These examples show that our “habitual way of thinking” can make an emotional condition better or worse. The dominating sequence of thoughts depends upon our emotional mode of thinking, ( i.e.) “habitual thinking.”

To change our style of thinking we have to change our mental habits, mental behavior. My thoughts, at any given time, define my actions in the future. I behave as I think, while my behavior, in turn, defines my well-being, mood, health, success and even social position. Now, the influence is positive, then it is not. Sometimes this influence (way of thinking) is evident, sometimes not and this requires some insight to discover. If I comply with rules of hygiene, customs and habits, agreements and common rules of politeness, my chances to succeed are high. If I break all these I will end up with some sort of physical or emotional stress. Chronic stress results in an exhausted immune system and mental disease. Such behavior we will call pathogenic, (i.e.) , producing disease. To the contrary, behavior that supports health and well-being will be referred to as sanogenic (from Greek sanos - health).*

* sanogenic (from Greek sanos – health. This term was first used by Prof. Orlov and has become associated with his school of mental health.

But how do I know whether my behavior is right ( correct) and adequate for any given situation? Here we may recall Epictetus's definition: “Wisdom is knowing things which depend on us learning from those who do not” Additionally, we might add: “The wise man foresees. He knows beforehand that his intention to do something is right and will not harm either himself or those around him. The stupid man learns that his behavior was wrong only when “ life gives him a kick.”

One who wishes to be wise uses his mistakes to learn, the stupid man repeats them. The very stupid repeat their mistakes and never learn, but only foster anger. I have been dealing, both as a physician and psychologist, with patients for my entire professional career and in writing this book, I wanted to give the reader some idea of my perception of human nature and human pathology, of the interesting connection between mental and psychical health. The following chapters provide the reader with a reasonable and healthy methodology for dealing with every day disappointment, painful insults and offences, both real and imagined. We will provide a logical and down to earth way for understanding and dealing with our negative and harmful behavior so that one can enjoy a better outlook on life and more successfully interact with our friends, associates and loved ones.

I have spent my entire life working with people in pain. As a young soldier in WW-II, I came to know suffering both of the physical kind as well as mental. Following many months recuperating in hospital after the War, I decided that I would dedicate my life to finding ways to help those who’s injury’s did not require an operation and bandages, My work in Mental health has spanned five decades and thousands of patients. Now, near the end of my career, I find that I can perhaps help those individuals that I will never see professionally, by putting my knowledge down in book that will hopefully reach a far wider audience than otherwise possible.

Throughout life we have all had our feelings hurt. Some of us have been deeply damaged and psychologically scarred by certain painful encounters and most of us have suffered some kind of rejection or slight that causes pain. This book defines such pain as being caused by either “offence or guilt” and seeks to help the reader to work through the causes of mental trauma shedding light into the darker corners of our psyche and of those are friends, associates and loved ones. The words are meant to comfort and ease suffering by showing us how to work through the injury. I sincerely hope that you all, dear readers, will find some benefit and hope in my words and pass the volume on to others.

Professor Yuri Orlov
Moscow 1991

TRANSLATORS NOTES:

Professor Orlov lived in Kankova, a suburb of Moscow within :30 minutes of the city center. He was my wife's best friend's father and often spent hours discussing life's problems offering his suggestions and comments. Dr. Orlov was an Army physician during WW II. He could physically patch up the wounded soldiers but after the war, visiting the hospitals, he understood that the psychological damage in many cases was far more lasting than the wounds to the body. He went back to school earning degrees is psychiatry and spent years working with hundreds of damaged psyches helping many to, if not recover, at least how to function in society. I read several of his many books and with my own experiences in Vietnam, I understood how valuable Dr. Orlov's message would be for many.

Robert J. Firth

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